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The Path to Harmony for Couples

SCENE ONE: My partner and I are in the car on a road trip, having a glorious time. I’m singing along to an old pop tune, rocking out, while he reads his GPS. I see him furrow his brow and then he asks to turn off the radio — ka-thud.In that instant, I go from exuberant karaoke queen to crestfallen idiot as a series of scenarios cascade through my consciousness: He doesn’t like my voice; I should be a better navigator; he’s always squelching my expression. And in that micro-moment when I perceive him — and myself — from this lens of judgment, I recoil from him, if only slightly. Left unchecked, there’s a good chance that by the end of our road trip, I will have an internal file of “evidence” outlining all the ways he’s been controlling and judging me the entire trip — and beyond! You get the idea.Welcome to the World of Withholds“Withholds” occur when we project old thoughts and feelings onto current reality and (here’s the critical part) act as if they’re real but fail to reveal them. Whatever the content of the withhold, the energetic outcome is the same: we subtly (or not so subtly) withdraw from our …

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