Book Review: Deeper Dating
How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy
By Ken Page
I have some excellent news: You don’t need to be a size 2, a hot blonde, or a Harvard grad to find lasting love. So many people are looking for real love, yet they are going about it the wrong way, says Ken Page, a New York–based psychotherapist, speaker, and love expert.
In his new book, Deeper Dating, Page reports that hairstyles and game playing aren’t the key to romance. Not that it isn’t hard work, this real-love finding. You need to be kind, focused, brave, and fiercely discriminating about whom you share your time with.
He counsels that in order to find love, we need to focus on something he calls our core gifts, and this is really interesting because core gifts are often things we don’t consider assets. It might be a fiery nature, sensitivity, or vulnerability. “When we have a core gift that has not been ‘loved into fullness,’” he writes, “acknowledged, respected or valued… we experience feelings of pain or inadequacy when we are in touch with that gift.” When we honor our core gifts, they become something positive. So instead of asking, “How can I fix this part of me?” he suggests thinking, What does this part of me need now? What’s the worth and value in that need?
Next, Page shows readers how to choose and cultivate “attractions of inspiration,” filled with caring and respect, rather than relationships fueled by unavailability, addiction, or manipulative behavior. Deeper Dating provides plenty of techniques and meditations to help readers find their own insights and creativity on the path to intimacy.
To love another human is the most frightening choice possible, Page admits. Do I really want to put my soul on the line like this? Is it worth the risk? Page’s answer is a resounding, thrilling, yes.