Your mother is to be respected she took care of you would your lover take care of you I would not rush into a marriage just yet make sure the person you commit with is as loving and compassionate as you what is that you really fear if you lose this person it sounds like she may be somewhat controlling
As long as you let fear be the driver of your life (in this case “losing my lover”) you will not be able to see any situation clearly. You deserve to be loved unconditionally. Do not settle for less.
We all long for a deep connection with another so it is understandable that you are torn. However, your relationship with your mother spans a lifetime, while the one with your lover only months. If your lover is in it for the long-term, then she will stick around. Otherwise, you may consider letting her go as she may really only be meant to be around for this brief time. My guess is that someone better suited to you and your situation will show up when the timing is right.
Wyckoff, New Jersey
It's admirable that you're taking care of your aged mother. You won't always have her but will always have the good memories that you did the best you could. While she is alive your beloved and you will have time to grow in your love for each other, or maybe not. It seems to me the decision is up to your lover.