Applying Tantric techniques can transform your sex life—and your sense of “potent aliveness.”
That feeling of being wanted, intertwined hearts beating, the climax of pleasure; we all desire it. Yes, I’m talking about sex. Sex that is fun, freeing, flowing, passionate, and full of love. Is that what you currently have?
I hear from both men and women over and over again that sex is “okay” or “could be better.” “Just okay?” I reply.
Sex contains worlds within worlds. I certainly won’t settle for an okay sex life. Neither should you.
Apply these six Tantric tips to improve your sex life and go from OK to OMG.
With Tantra you can become the master or mistress of the bedroom and create a unique, mind-blowing shared-pleasure experience for you and your partner. The best part: It’s not difficult. Anyone can do it, so why not you?
Read on. Your sex life is about to become your new secret tool for personal empowerment.
Tantric Sex Tip 1: Slow Down
In the heat of the moment, clothes get ripped off, desire is on fire, and petting becomes penetration in a few minutes. I love it. By all means some of the time this is just the way to get that animalistic urge out.
However, more often than not I want you to slow it down. Right down. Instead of moments take minutes. Explore what it feels like to be turned on. How your partner’s skin feels against your touch, how your breath and theirs can dance in the space between you. Let your kisses linger for longer than normal. Tune into how you feel in the moment instead of anticipating how you are going to fulfill your next heady desire.
One of the foundations of Tantra is to feel it all. You can’t feel it all if you don’t slow it down. Set a timer for yourself if you struggle with this. Make it a challenge to only touch skin with hands for five minutes as you explore each other’s bodies before moving to the next exploration.
Slow it down to turn it up later.
[Also read: “Mindful Sexuality, Divine Sexuality.”]
Tantric Sex Tip 2: Focus on Sensuality
How deeply can you feel? Tantra is about feeling it all. So then how do you become this embodied, blissful being of feeling? Tune into your senses.
It’s through your senses that you get to experience pleasure. Sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound flood our brains with sensations that we then get to ride into waves of ecstasy.
Becoming a sensual being isn’t limited to just the bedroom. Start practicing by noticing your immediate environment throughout your day. Use this as a preparation for when you are in the intimate act of physical intimacy. In fact, you can start right now.
How does your skin feel as the air kisses it? What’s the furthest sound you can hear? Looking around you, can you notice the vibrancy of colors?
I define sensuality as an enriching of your life-experience. You slow down and start to become aware of the aliveness of not only yourself, but the aliveness of yourself in relation to your surroundings. This is when you’ll start to notice how you can feel more pleasure from the lick of your lover or how their kiss sends shivers down your spine. Be here to feel, feel it all.
Tantric Sex Tip 3: It’s Not About the Orgasm
While orgasming certainly is oh so good, it also takes us away from getting to experience deeper connection and exploration. Next time you’re feeling frisky, can you let go of the need to orgasm and just play? Ask yourself (or your partner), does this feel good? What is your current desire? Can we try this out to feel into how we can ride the waves of pleasure for longer and longer?
Release the need to orgasm and become orgasmic instead, where ALL the things feel oh so good!
[Also read: “When Sex Is New Again.”]
Tantric Sex Tip 4: Create Erotic Tension
You know that feeling inside you when you feel a burning desire, you’re pulsating with want, your turn on is turned all the way on. That’s erotic tension in your body. Now ask yourself: How can I play with this erotic tension?
We love the release. Instant gratification is our norm. What if instead we allowed ourselves to feel turned on, we shared our desires with our partners, we teased each other (sexting, flirting, making innuendo), and we let that erotic tension build and build until we consummated it in a conscious, loving way?
Oh, it’s so juicy. The best way to create erotic tension is to allow spaciousness between your partner and you. Maybe that looks like spending a weekend apart, maybe that looks like setting a date in the future for your coitus coupling. Ask yourself: What is going to make me desire my partner even more?
Tantric Sex Tip 5: Breathe Together
Our breath is our life force. It’s also the carrier of energy between two people. Breathing together creates an intimacy that stimulates erotic tension, too. For most of our day our beautiful breath goes unnoticed as our body regulates the expanding and contracting of our lungs. Now imagine bringing awareness, mindfulness, sensuality, and erotic tension to your breath. Mmmm … yes.
You can use a simple breathing practice like inhaling and exhaling together to synchronize your nervous systems. Do this sitting in front of each other or do this even during penetration. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Create an energetic loop of breath that feeds your intimacy.
Tantric Sex Tip 6: Eye Gaze
There is such beauty to behold in our partner when we allow ourselves to tune into the other person. Eye gazing, breathing, and cultivating erotic tension all feed into each other. When was the last time you sat with your partner, just being in each other’s presence without needing words to fill the silence? To witness your internal world as you gaze at your partner. During this practice, perhaps memories surface, or fears, or a simple gratitude that you get to have this person in your life.
It’s a beautiful practice to do at least once a week. Set a timer for three to five minutes and sit in a way that makes it comfortable to look into each other's eyes. You can let this eye gazing lead to a sensual touch or integrate a breathing practice of synchronizing to each other's bodies and let it flow from there without expectation. It is a wonderful journey of play without needing anything but the moment-to-moment pleasure of you and your partner being nothing but open to feeling it all.
Tantra to me is really about being able to experience the potent aliveness we all have in us at all moments. These six Tantric tips improve your sex life and your quality of life in general. Slow down, become a sensual being, let go of the need for the big release, connect in different ways to your partner via breath or eye gazing, and build up that innate primal desire for two to become one.
The next time you ask yourself, “How is my sex life?” the answer can be: “It is just getting better and better and better!”
Keep reading: “3 Rules for Mindful Sex.”