Moving from Fear to Flow

How to identify the fears blocking your relationship—and melt them away to restore wonder

Abstract image of couple walking on colorful swirls

Illustration Credit: Happenstance by Elizabeth Amento

Starting at midlife and accelerating thereafter, time seems to go by in a blur—and many of us feel an increased pressure to bring our relationship lives into harmony before it all runs out. Unfortunately, people typically respond to this pressure by trying harder to do more of what already isn’t working. We believe, however, that the roots of chronic relationship problems—the problems that recycle without getting resolved—are usually hidden from both people in the relationship. Most often the root of our problems is fear.In fear, your partner looks like the enemy, you must defend yourself from the perceived threat, and you don’t see any possibility for change. But here’s the really good news: You can learn to shift from fear to flow quickly, easily, and reliably. In flow, you can choose new responses that deepen your intimacy. In flow, your partner becomes your ally and your companion on the path. In flow, solutions abound!We don’t recognize fear because it fills the invisible fishbowl that most of us have been swimming in unconsciously for decades. It gradually permeates the moments of life, making us …

Gay Hendricks, PhD, and Katie Hendricks, PhD, are best-selling authors on a mission is to teach singles and couples everything they have learned in their combined 80 years of counseling and teaching, as well as what they practice within their own 30-year marriage.

Adapted from Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond, by Gay Hendricks, PhD, and Katie Hendricks, PhD. HAY HOUSE, INC.

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Relationship AdviceStressAnxietyCouplesConflict Resolution