According to a story in the Journal of Family Psychology, in 1992, researchers did a study with 52 married couples to discover how they shared the story of how they met including their initial impressions of each other.
What they found is absolutely fascinating. Based on the way a couple shared their “origin of relationship story,” the researchers were able to predict, with 94% accuracy, whether or not the marriage would remain stable or end in divorce.
It didn’t matter how, when or where they met. Whether it was seeing each other across a crowded room and love at first sight, or a simple introduction through friends at a party, the actual details of the meeting became insignificant.
What did make a big difference was the energy, enthusiasm and expressiveness with which they shared their story.
The couples that shared their story in a negative or withdrawn manner tended to split three years later, while the couples that shared their story with fondness and nostalgia stayed together.
“How did you two meet?” is a question Brian loves to ask when we are out with a new couple. He is always genuinely interested in all aspects of their coming together. And of course, once we hear their story, they generally want to hear our story and will ask me to share it with them. Admittedly, we have a pretty awesome tale to share. It’s a wild and lengthy story full of magic, miracles, synchronicities and blessings from an Indian holy woman. One of the most unusual things about our meeting was that before we met, each of us had dreamt of the other. In my dreams I received clues that would let me know he was “the One.” Brian actually saw my face in his dreams!
I have told this story thousands of times. Quite honestly, I sometimes get tired of hearing myself tell it. Oftentimes Brian pipes in to remind me of bits and pieces of the story that I am forgetting or leaving out. On an intuitive level I have always known that sharing our soulmate story reinforces the love and devotion we have for each other and while I might resist telling it, by the time I am done sharing I feel excited and re-inspired.
As an exercise to reinvigorate the story of your meeting, try this:
Next time you and your partner are spending time with another married couple, ask them to share their story with you. Chances are they will ask to hear your story. Plan ahead to have an awesome story to share and then tell it with high energy and great detail adding in all the details that will be sure to put a big smile on your mate’s face.
Items such as:
- Your first positive impression of him
- The body part of his you found most attractive
- Something funny or kind that you observed him doing
- Any feelings you had that he might be “the One.”
- Positive reactions from family and/or friends when they first met him
- How you felt when he first kissed you
Sharing positive stories about your mate will reinforce sweet feelings, put him in a good light and create even more love in your relationship. Shifting perspective by emphasizing your mate’s positive attributes not only alters the energy within you, but between you too.