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Four Approaches to Desire

A clear answer—even the answer you want—is just a few words away

Illustration Credit: Crow Wants a Pickle by Cori Lee Marvin

“Put your shoes on, I’ll get your coat; I’m taking you out to dinner tonight.”I look up through wet lashes and a furrowed brow toward this calm yet commanding voice, my vision blurred, my nervous system frayed. I’ve been battling my computer all day, facing one technical snafu after another, trying to meet a deadline. One look at my blotchy face tells my husband all he needs to know: I need a break NOW. His words cut through my fog of frustration and fatigue, and I acquiesce.My husband is one of the most tender, kind, and wise men I’ve ever known. In his wisdom, he’s learned when to take charge with me. He knows that giving me a command sometimes is the kindest thing he can do. Thoughtfully applied, taking command brings balance to a relationship. It can help dispel a vicious cycle and allows one partner to relax into the strength of the other. Of course, there are occasions when his take-charge attitude is met by equally stubborn resistance, and in those instances, he usually knows enough to try a different approach. Like I said, he’s a wise man.Herein lies an important key to skillful communication—ho …

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SexualityIntimacyRelationship AdviceDesire

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