An excerpt from A Tribe Called Bliss.
We need groups, communities, and circles of friendship, because although you might have found “your person,” no one other person can be everything another person. In fact, being solely reliant on someone else—husband, wife, partner, lover, confidant, whomever—is not only a big ask, but it puts massive stress on the relationship. It places a dangerously high expectation on both parties, and it’s almost guaranteed that someone is going to be let down, pushed away, or both. When we have a tribe we can turn to, we are able lesson the expectation (and therefore the stress) we put on our other relationships.
Here are a number of ways that having a strong tribe will benefit you in all areas of your life, from happiness, health, business success and beyond:
COMFORT: Your tribe will help make the massive challenges feel relatively insignificant once you are comfortable sharing them within the safe space.
Being part of a tribe means that you can vent, cry, and analyze, and you will get the support you need to help you work with the issue, the out t, or the crazy coworker at hand. You’ll have accountable sisters who will keep your efforts and energy positive, focused, and solution-based. Instead of feeling beaten down, your tribe will remind you of your power, your light, your why, and your connection to something that’s bigger than any problem.
PERSPECTIVE: Your tribe is abundant access to wisdom in all things practical, professional, soulful, emotional, and spiritual.
The only things we can bring into our life are what we are able to see and experience. When we do this life alone it appears narrow and limited; however, when we create a tribe, we get to live out, experience, and learn the multitude of lessons and teachings that every single woman in the tribe has lived and learned. Allow other sage women, from all different walks of life, to ]fill you up, because once you open up to receiving all different perspectives and connections, it opens parts of you that were not accessible or owing and you become like a faucet that won’t turn off.
VULNERABILITY: A tribe will show you the power of sharing and receiving without guilt or fear.
“Thanks for the offer but I’ve got this!” Sound like you? It sure was me. Always a giver, never a receiver. Never one to get vulnerable enough to accept help or admit I needed anything. All this lack of vulnerability did was cause me to resent everyone, because eventually people quit asking if I needed anything (be- cause, I was always all good). In order to have a real connection, both parties (all parties) must not only be vulnerable enough to give wholeheartedly but also to receive wholeheartedly.
ACCOUNTABILITY: Your tribe will hold you to the flame.
We need people who can call us out on our behavior. These are the women who keep you in check when you start believing your negative stories, when you start giving in to your fear, and when you start to justify your own excuses. If you’re playing small, they will hold up that mirror to show the truth. If you’re complaining or having trouble moving past something, in a loving way your tribe will help guide you to understand what the root of the issue is and what you could do to create a different outcome.
CONFIDENCE: Your tribe will help you move forward even in the face of fear, uncertainty, and judgment.
Most of us need to be pushed out of the plane. It’s easy to say we’re going skydiving. It’s easier to plan and pay for a trip to go skydiving, but how easy is it when it comes time to jump out of the plane? Um, it’s not. It’s terrifying. Welcome to any big decision, making any small shift, arriving at any big goal. But your tribe will gently nudge (or aggressively push if needed) you right out of that tiny plane door into the free fall, reminding you that anything worth doing is tough and it’s scary.
I am everything because of my tribe. When the shame from a failure or fear of the future tries to swallow me whole or tells me it’s not worth it and to close off my heart again, they speak life into me. A tribe says “me too, stay open or get up and try again” and suddenly you’re not alone and the feelings loosen their death grip. Knowing that I have a tribe that has my back has allowed me to take more risks and bigger leaps, because no matter what, I have my people who accept me unconditionally, and I them. And, my friend, when you have that, you are unstoppable.
A Tribe Called Bliss by Lori Harder. Copyright c 2018 by Lori Harder. Reprinted by permission of Gallery Books, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.