As the ancient science of life, Ayurveda offers insight into how to balance ourselves through skillful lifestyle choices. The most common avenues to find this balance are diet and exercise. But Ayurvedic knowledge can also show us how to engage with our romantic partners in a way that leaves them not only sexually satisfied but constitutionally balanced.
In Ayurveda, our primary personality/body type is called our dosha, or constitution. Cultural and familial conditioning aside, we tend to behave and express similarly to the elements most dominant within us.
The doshas and their main characteristics are:
- Vata (air + ether) = quick, cold, dry, mobile
- Pitta (fire + water) = hot, light, bright, oily
- Kapha (water + earth) = heavy, moist, slow, cool
Ayurveda’s Healing Principle
The primary healing principle of Ayurveda is: Like increases like; opposites heal.
This principle contains a bit of our modern “opposites attract” sentiment behind it. There really is something to the idea of two things coming together in a way that creates something more than the two parts. This is why Ayurvedic treatment protocols nearly always consist of using opposite qualities to help keep us balanced and disease free: Cooling remedies help heal inflammatory conditions of Pitta; grounding techniques balance the lightness of Vata; invigorating therapies break up stagnation of Kapha.
We can, of course, find this balance through food and drink, but why not also bring these balancing ideas into the bedroom, too?
Knowing your own dosha and that of your partner can help you both meet your needs and desires sexually while also leaving you both feeling balanced, whole, and intimately connected with each other in a way that elevates your relationship to the realm of the sacred.
Sexual Tendencies for Each Dosha
The Vata sexual appetite tends to be erratic, like the wind itself. Sometimes Vatas can be insatiable, while other times sex can be the farthest thing from their mind for months on end. Their libido is generally low, but once their appetite is enticed, they can be creative and more open to new ideas than the other two doshas. They are quickly satiated, and may suffer from premature ejaculation.
To seduce and balance your Vata partner, you will need to meet them where they live: in their mind. Talk to them about books, ideas, and philosophies. Share your sexual fantasies and imaginings!
Then, to move them from the mind down into their body, draw them a hot bath with grounding essential oils such as rosemary or sandalwood. Set out a fuzzy, soft robe and cozy slippers. Cook them a warm, grounding meal with plenty of healthy spices, such as cardamom, fennel, coriander, or cumin. Once they’re feeling safe and warm, they will likely be leading you into the bedroom where their sexual creativity will surface and some of those fantasies you talked about earlier may become reality. Use plenty of lubrication; Vatas tend toward dryness.
Pittas tend to be the most sexually interested of the three doshas. They think about sex on a regular basis. Their connection to the fire element makes them natural lovers, but be careful: It can also make them jealous and possessive. Because of their constitution, they are often competitive and goal-oriented, which may leave them missing out on the finer points of seduction.
Pitta people need to be encouraged to slow down and enjoy the moment rather than rushing to a finish line. Because they are so often in charge in their lives, they are balanced by someone who takes control. Pittas should be gently encouraged to focus on giving before receiving, and to leave the scorecard well out of the bedroom. Because the Pitta dosha is connected to the sense of sight, Pitta people are primarily turned on by what they see. They love sexy clothing and an intimate, candlelit setting.
Kapha sexual energy is slow and steady. It might take Kapha people some time to work up desire, as their tendency is toward holding, not expending, energy. But once in the mood, they have the most stamina and endurance of the three doshas, and they can be very generous.
Kaphas may need more enticement to get in the mood than the other two doshas. Thus, patience is important. Let the seduction begin in the morning by leaving them sweet notes or through other simple, loving gestures. Kaphas are loving and tender, and are turned on by such small acts of sweetness and consideration.
Add more spice to their day with foods, drinks, or fragrances that awaken and stimulate. Keep in mind that the sense associated with Kapha is smell, so aromatherapy or scented candles work wonders. While Kapha people may seek routine and predictability in the bedroom, they would benefit from shaking it up and having more invigorating, surprising sexual encounters. Encourage sex toys and/or new positions.
It is key to remember that we are all individual, and that this uniqueness carries over into our sexual proclivities. With any dosha, it is important that your partner is not burdened by expectations or pressures to perform in ways that do not suit their constitution or preferences.
Honoring your partner means accepting them for who they are and respecting how their body responds to stimulus. And, don’t forget to tell your partner what you need and desire most! Our partners are not mind readers. With a little bit of healthy conversation, you can find new and exciting ways to balance one another.