Essential Life Skill Four: Realign with your Authentic Self

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Eve Hogan

This is part four of a series featuring the Five Essential Life Skills. The first three skills were: Remembering Who You Really Are, Self-Observation, and Transcending the Ego/ Letting Go.

The fourth step or skill is realigning with your authentic self. This step is very similar to step number one, remembering who you really are. However, remember as we might at the beginning of our day, it won’t be long (if we are observant) before we discover ourselves acting like who we really aren’t—angry, jealous, controlling, depressed, or full of self-doubt. Once observed, we have the opportunity to transcend the ego-drama of control and approval and return to our authentic selves. So, let’s take another look at “who we really are,” that divine aspect with which we are aiming to align our thoughts, words and actions. Continue reading →

Third Essential Life Skill—Letting Go, Transcending the Ego

Posted on February 6, 2012 by Eve Hogan

This is part three of a series featuring the Five Essential Life Skills. The first two skills were: Remembering Who You Really Are and Self-Observation.

The third of the five essential life skills is “Transcending the Ego and Letting Go.” This concept always brings up the question, “What are we letting go of?” The answer is: Anything that is not in alignment with your true essence, your values and your goals. You are choosing to transcend the ego.

It isn’t really that the ego is “bad”—rather, it is misguided. Unfortunately, most of us think we are our egos, rather than recognizing a deeper, more substantial aspect of our beings. The ego is the part of us that gets jealous, possessive, anxious, judgmental, fearful, and self-conscious. In reality, the ego wants to protect us, but it manages to do so in unhealthy, often painful and inauthentic ways. Much akin to an overprotective parent who keeps their child in the house rather than letting them go out to play at the risk that they could get hurt. Continue reading →

The Second Essential Life Skill: Self-Observe

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Eve Hogan

This is part two of a series featuring the Five Essential Life Skills. My last post featured the first of the skills, Remembering Who You Really Are.

The second essential life skill of self-observation may well be the most important. It seems so obvious and so simple and yet we are extremely unskilled and unpracticed at paying attention to our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. We tend to operate on “automatic pilot,” as if we have no control. The reality is that unless we know what we are doing, we have little chance of changing it—and often the simple act of becoming aware causes us to do something differently. Continue reading →

Five Essential Life Skills, Part One: Remember Who You Are

Posted on January 24, 2012 by Eve Hogan

This is part one of a series featuring the Five Essential Life Skills.

Through the course of over 20 years of personal and spiritual growth study and my own personal work, I have identified five essential life skills that are critical for creating a joyful life and healthy relationships—with your loved ones, coworkers, yourself, and with Spirit. The steps are: remembering who/what you really are, self-observation, letting go, realigning with your authentic self, and choosing actions in alignment with who you are and what you want. Over the next few weeks I will explain more fully each of these skills, beginning now with Step One—remembering who/what you really are. Continue reading →

Gratitude as a Life Line

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Eve Hogan

Aloha and Happy New Year! I pulled the following commentary from a blog-post-related dialog and expanded on the answer as the content seemed so relevant that I wanted to move it to the front of the discussion rather than only tucked away for those diving deeper into the blog comments. The question was a response to my article on affirmations.

Dear Eve,

I am struggling with resistance. So much has been so difficult for so long – and gone so wrong… even what appeared to be a wonderful opportunity to live and work abroad has turned terribly sour. So much pain has been brought on by circumstances beyond my control that I cannot make myself believe that I can co-create anything desirable/meaningful in my life. I find myself wanting to hang onto my unbelief and unhappiness because it is grief over lost dreams and fouled plans. (I now deeply understand the title of the book Don’t Take My Grief Away.) I can’t fathom any lessons, trust the Spirit, or be fearless and hopeful. I have learned it is possible to be so physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken that affirmations are exercises in futility, empty and without merit. This challenges those around me who continue to manifest their dreams and desires. They try to force me to be positive, and because I cannot, they are dismissive. They are disappointed in my crisis of faith, because they continue to manifest, so it must be true. Well, it’s not true for me. And I, who have supported others through crises in faith, have no support in my own. It makes me feel even more despairing, because I am not receiving much compassion. I teach compassion, above all, so I feel like a failure.

Aloha,

Your message has been weighing heavy on my heart because I know how hard it is when it seems like every way you turn you hit a dead end. I am so sorry you have been having such a hard time. Continue reading →

Relationship Resolutions 2012

Posted on December 31, 2011 by Eve Hogan

Ah, the New Year. That wonderful time when we feel like we get to start fresh, renew, redesign, get a grip, set goals, and make New Year’s resolutions. Now is the time we gear up for “spring cleaning,” getting organized (again), losing weight (again), clarifying our career goals, finishing (or starting) writing our book (or whatever), etc.

At this time of year I regularly hear people share the concern that the same goals are on their list as last year and the year before. There is often a sense that we are not really making progress when, in reality, many of our goals are “process goals” rather than “product goals.”

Product goals are the kind that can be achieved and instantly checked off the list: Paying such and such bill, calling so and so. Process goals, however, are never actually checked off the list because they require ongoing attention and maintenance. Cleaning the house and being/getting organized are never “done” as they have to be continued daily. While reaching a goal weight can be checked off the list, maintaining that weight cannot. It is a lifestyle goal that has to be tended to daily, maybe even hourly.

The key with process goals is to recognize their ongoing nature and rather than beating ourselves up for having them on the list year after year, honor their importance in our lives and acknowledge our efforts to keep them a priority.

Continue reading →

Affirmations: Why They Work & How to Use Them

Posted on December 30, 2011 by Eve Hogan

To “affirm” something, by dictionary definition, means that you are declaring it to be true. So when I affirm that I am fit when I am not, wealthy when I am financially struggling, or loved when I am lonely, how exactly does that work in the guise of living authentically—and who the heck am I kidding?

An affirmation is usually a sentence or phrase that you repeat regularly to make a formal declaration to yourself and the universe of your intention for it to be the truth. While some may say it is akin to “fake it until you make it,” I see it a bit more like holding the vision of what I know can be true. Continue reading →

The Holy Family

Posted on December 13, 2011 by Eve Hogan

The holy-days are a special time for children (and adults), in part because of the promise of toys, but also in part because of the rituals we participate in at this time of year—special decorations, magical lighting, seasonal music, social gatherings, the sending—and receiving—of cards filled with sweet sentiments and progress reports to loved ones. There is a special honoring of relationships that happens at this time of year—with each other and with God/Spirit/the Sacred, no matter what your religion—or even your lack of it.

But once the holidays are over, the lights are taken down, the candles and décor are put away, there is no need to put the sacred away for another year. Continue reading →

Your Own Inner Wisdom Gives the BEST Advice

Posted on December 3, 2011 by Eve Hogan

Dear Eve,
I’m a 27-year-old female, happy and independent and have just recently discovered my relationship patterns. I am at that age and stage where I am watching all my friends get married and want to avoid succumbing to the pressure to get into any relationship, vs. finding the right partner, i.e. a healthy partner. I realize now that I have chosen people who were abusive, addicted, possessive, and controlling and now, with the New Year coming, wish to do relationships differently. Any suggestions?

Funny enough, I wrote this question to send to you but before I sent it I was wondering what you were going to answer. The more I imagined what you were going to say, the more I realized that I already knew the answer. I answered my own question!

So here is what I came up with; what do you think? Continue reading →

Thanks for the Small Stuff—and Nothing is Small Stuff

Posted on November 22, 2011 by Eve Hogan

Having suffered several losses in my family over the years, I must admit that it has changed my view of gratitude. Before my mom and brother got sick and passed away, I might have offered thanks for the obvious (and usually external) things…like financial stability, friends and family or perhaps my home, abilities and opportunities.

But, watching my mom slowly lose one faculty after the next from ALS—first losing her speech then her strength in her legs, then in her hands, until she was completely paralyzed…I realized how much I took for granted in my life. We often have no clue how grateful we “should” be until we are threatened with losing something. Perhaps that is why loss happens, so we can become aware of that which we are grateful.

Take, for instance, your tongue. When was the last time you spent one minute offering gratitude for your tongue’s ability to move food around in your mouth so that you can chew, allow you to taste, assist you in forming words or even to “wet your whistle” when needed? I am willing to bet that most of us have rarely if ever even thought about it. This Thanksgiving Week, try enjoying one bite of your Thanksgiving meal or leftovers without moving your tongue. Try communicating without your tongue. It won’t take you long to realize that you have been remiss in fully giving thanks. Continue reading →

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